Thank you note

Dear Bono, the Edge, Adam, & Larry,

This thank you note is very much overdue, so please do not let its tardiness take away from my true appreciation.

Thank you for your music, and the understanding that it has brought me. Some may not realize that your band is a Christian band clad in rock star clothing and hip sunglasses.

I will admit that back in my carefree college, law school, and married days, Achtung Baby was a raw, sensual album that got a lot of play.

Life became more serious during our lengthy quest to have a baby. How long? How long must we sing this song?

When I was pregnant the first time, I heard a sermon at our local Episcopal church that discussed when bad things happen to good people. One of the minister's examples was the columns falling on Christians and heathens, killing both indiscriminately. I understood, and agreed with everything the minister said. Little did I know that later that week I would lose my unborn child at 16.5 weeks. Timely. Ironic. Horrifying. Incredulous. Heart-breaking.

Nothing was more hurtful for me to hear in my grief than "God has a plan." Oh really? A plan? A plan that involves lots of misery and pain, where my unborn baby becomes toxic and almost kills me? That does not make this easier. It does not feel, it will never feel "meant to be." I was very angry with God and this "plan" and then I even became angry and hurt by the people that wanted to tell me about it.

When my anger lessened, and I was just left with grief, The Joshua Tree became my album of recovery. In "I Still Have Not Found What I am Looking For" you discuss Jesus when you say "You broke the bonds, you loosed the chains, You carried the Cross, Of my Shame, You know I believe it, But I still have not found what I am looking for." Like you, I believe, but it can be hard to understand when things are not working. For me it's hard to be a Christian in pain, who for right or wrong believes what I do, in close proximity to the plan Christians. It is quite a turn-off.

Then through our challenges to have CRB after the baby we lost, I began to appreciate a different aspect of your music. Your lyrics to "Stuck in a Moment" helped me put a lot of pain in perspective. Stop wishing for better days, enjoy what you have today. I needed to hear that, over and over, until I believed it.

If CRB was to have an anthem my guess that it would be "Beautiful Day." I don't choose this song merely because of its immediate calming effect. As his mom, "My heart is abloom ..." What a great and wonderful thing our life is! Thanks for giving the world your music message to have in the good times and the bad times and all the times in between.

Much love,
Leslie