Unexpected Sadness

Tonight I was heading into the grocery store and I saw this older lady helping her mom get into a car.

Seeing their interaction reminded me of my mom and grandmother. My grandmother passed away 2 weeks ago yesterday. She was almost 93 and had a long, healthy life. She was a strong Christian which makes some aspects of this easier. We had a super relationship.

I have been doing just fine with it, but what I saw caught me off guard.

I miss her.

I miss her for my mom.

Strange Brew

I was telling one of my relatives how much CRB enjoys being with our part-time nanny. I said "He gets excited to see her." She said "Doesn't that make you jealous?" No..... Should it?

If he was not happy, it would be difficult to leave him. I guess I could wind myself up with anxiety like "What if I miss his actual first step?" But there are so many firsts - his first restaurant trip, the first time he throws a ball to Colin - it's really just whatever you want to make it.

Maybe I am a bad mommy but some days it is a relief to get out of the house and teach 400 students. Other days I am so glad to be able to ask her questions about CRB. She had 4 children, including a set of twins. She knows a lot more about babies than I do. She is thoughtful, she is kind.

People talk about people who are really good with children, and she is, but she is also really good with me. About two weeks after CRB was born, she said "Ok, you need to put down the baby."

You know she was right.

We don't have sleep issues. He wakes up in a good mood. He hits all of the developmental milestones early. Life is good. We have some difficult times but they pass.

Working mom. Kinda busy, but not too bad. Never jealous of my part-time nanny. Just thankful to have her in our lives.

-- *wink* For my 3 readers, Strange Brew is a Cream classic.

Wordless Wednesday: Tired Big Brother

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Grown-Up TV

CRB enjoyed tonight's episode of Extreme Home Makeover. His favorite parts? The grandmother who was so excited about her house, the children and . . . Hootie & the Blowfish at the House of Blues. I am sure he was thinking "Where is Pablo? Where is Uniqua?"

Scarlet Begonias

After Sunday lunch with the airport guys, we managed to stop by the home improvement store for some annuals. For $15.26, I purchased some lamb's ear, dianthus, snapdragons, white begonias, and one other plant with variegated leaves.

The plants that I am most excited about are the white begonias. Many years ago, my mother-in-law bought me two beautiful tulip-shaped concrete planters. I really like them, but I have problems finding plants that will grow as the planters are shallow. Perhaps begonias will work in them.

Toolman and the Backyardigans kept CRB busy while I got all the plants planted. At the moment, it really does not look like I have enough plants but I am hoping that the plants will fill-in as they grow. The markers specify some spacing requirements for healthy growth but some of the plants look a little bit lonely. Perhaps Tuesday, when I stop by Brown's Nursery for some impatients for the strawberry jar, I should purchase a few extra.

If you are not familiar with today's tune, check out the lyrics here.

Bron-y-aur Stomp: Brun

CBR and I got to spend Saturday with my BFF Kerri and her labradoodle Brun.

Brun was so tender with CRB. When he would go over to see CBR, he would move in slowly, so that CRB would see him coming and not get scared. He licked him so gently. When Brun was jumping down from his chair, or coming in for his own pats, he was so careful not to step or sit on CRB.

I knew labradoodles were smart. But thoughtful, too?

It's not surprising, really, if you know Kerri.

Comfortably Numb: Sleep

Now when I seem tired or comment to others about how I am tired, people inevitably ask "Did CRB have a rough night?"

Well, you would think that. It would make sense. But with us, that is rarely the case.

CRB has to have a full tummy, the night light on, and not be dressed too warmly. With that, he's set for a good 8.5 to 9.5 hours.

Toolman is a pretty good sleeper, too, as long as his surroundings are just right. He's got to have 2 foam pillows with slick cotton pillowcases, taunt sheets, a comforter that is just the right weight, no extraneous light, and no house guests.

Me, I can sleep anywhere and through anything . . . if I can just fall asleep.

I can sleep:

• sitting up
• through the takeoff and landing of a trans-Atlantic flight
• on cold uneven ground with my feet higher than my head
• on a squeaky floor that squeaks each time I inhale, and again when I exhale
• on a cot while a transport truck backs into the parking place next to me
• in the presence of solid rivets that are being hammered and bucked
• with Toolman and his undiagnosed Restless Leg Syndrome

My sleep requirements are all emotional.

Tonight - err this morning - the problem is that I am too excited to sleep. Too many good things are going on, and I just don't want to shut the day off yet. How awesome is that? Yes I agree it is tremendously fantastic but come on, it is after 2 a.m. now...

Other nights, usually Monday or Wednesday nights, the issue tends to be that I am too overwhelmed with what I need to do the next day. I guess trying to provide a worthwhile educational experience to a large number of college students can stress a girl out.

Then there are the few nights I actually fight sleeping because I don't feel that I have had an acceptable quantity of fun in the day. Like somehow, tossing and turning is going to result in fun?

Tonight's headline is:

--
New Mom Can't Sleep Because She's Too Happy
--

To the playground we go

March 20, 2003 - First day of the war with Iraq, first trip to the R.E.

Though my battle had no guided-missiles, there were losses (an ended adoption because I was pregnant followed by the miscarriage of a 16 week baby, March 31, 2004), and much fighting (many drugs, many cycles). At times I have questioned our involvement. We (I, my husband, my R.E. and his nurse, my BFF, my O.B., modern science) won.

Tuesday I got to take CRB and Colin to the neighborhood playground.

I have passed this playground every trip to and from my house for 4 years. I have wondered many times, will I ever get to go? There was no way I was going without baby so that meant I was not going.

CRB exhibits lots of thrill-seeking behavior, so I was pretty sure he was going to enjoy the swing. I was so glad that we were alone, as I did not want any other mom's "well-meaning" analysis of whether CRB was too young for the swing.

As it was a spur of the moment thing, I only have photos from the next day.

Here's one.

Achtung Baby - rather loudly

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"So you gave birth to classic rock baby?" asked my husband.
--

Does your not quite six month old have a favorite song? Is the song different from his favorite music video?

You see about six months ago I gave birth to classic rock baby (CRB).

CRB was born to parents with little to no music ability but a great love for all things rock and roll. Although I think we are Kool with a capital K, our music is now termed "classic" rock.

The music to which you listen when you are pregnant may influence your baby's music tastes. I am really glad that I did not play a lot of Drop It While Its Hot. Bono is a much better role model than Snoop Dog.

CRB's favorite song: Beautiful Day. Any crying or fussing is calmed within 2-3 seconds. I think the heartbeat rhythm is responsible for some of the effect, but the heartbeat womb bear scores a big zero with CRB.

CRB's favorite video: Sunday Bloody Sunday - Live from Red Rocks. All the mist, all the marching.

CRB also enjoys most VH1 Behind the Music Segments, with a notable favorite of the Who.

He does have some age appropriate interests, but those are for another time.